Monday, April 18, 2011

Short Fiction: Shatner’s Shower

     “Captain on the bridge!” the ensign nearest the door shouts.
     “Navigator why the Red Alert?” the captain yells over the siren as he strides to his chair, the hub of ship's control.
     “Sir, the left eye lid has been compromised with soapy water!”
     “Caught with our shields down, I was afraid this would happen; it was such a pleasant shower until now. Okay, all crew brace yourselves; this is gonna sting!”
The captain thumb-presses a button on his chair console and shouts, “Engineering! How bad is it?”
     “Owwwooo, it hurts really bad Captain! Ohhh, I don’t know how long we can take it!”
     “Navigator, warp speed to the shower head, rinse that eye! Engineer pull yourself together, we need help up here! How about a hand!”
     “Can’t do it captain! They’re both still soapy, that would only burn more.”
     “Don’t’ give me excuses, give me a hand.”
     “It’s gonna take at least eighteen seconds to rinse the hands, captain.”
     “You’ve got five! Hear me five! Navigator, full stop in the stream! Right here!”
The ship surprisingly jerks backward; all crew are once again shaken.
     “Engineering! What the hell was that?”
     “We had to pull back Captain, the pressure was too great, you could have blown her apart!”
     “I’m the Captain here! I give the orders!”
     “Captain the hands are enroute, should be there…now. Holding lids, gently rinsing…”
A ship wide sigh of relief was heard by all, and the Captain announced ship wide, “Stand down on the red alert. That was close. Good job everyone!"

     “Engineering to Captain!” Is heard from the console on the captain's chair.
     “Go ahead Engineering,” the captain says.
     “Captain! The traction threshold of the right foot has been breached! I can’t compensate! It’s past critical!”
     “You mean we’re…?”
     “Yes captain. We’re slipping; we’re going down!”
     “Oh my God…”

No comments:

Post a Comment